Psychologists Say: 10 Effective Strategies to Persuade Someone to Do Something

The need to master the art of persuasion is not limited to politicians, lawyers and salespeople. “Knowing how to effectively convince someone to do something is important because it helps in creating cooperative and collaborative relationships, both in personal and professional environments,” says Dr. Brittany McGeehan, Ph.D.licensed psychologist in Texas. “Although it may seem manipulative… the reality is that we are always looking to influence someone else.”

For example, you may want your boss to listen to your opinions at work for the good of the business. Parents face what may be a more challenging task every day: getting your toddler to tie his shoes so you can walk out the door and be no more than five minutes late.

“When we know how to use our strengths and gain influence, we not only build our own confidence, but we can also ensure that goals and objectives are effectively accomplished,” says Dr. McGeehan. “This is especially true if you know how to positively motivate others while building rapport.”

If presenting a winning argument isn’t your strong suit, the good news is that you can learn this skill even if you’ve been cut from your school debate team. Psychology-based experts share the eight most effective ways to convince someone to do something.

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How to convince someone to do something: 10 strategies according to psychologists

1. Use empathy

Dr. Catherine Nobile, Doctor of Psychology, director of Nobile Psychology, recommends practicing empathy during conflicts, especially if one of the parties is stubborn.

“When people feel understood, they feel valued and heard. Empathy helps bring people together,” says Dr. Nobile.

2. Appeal to their personal interests

Dr. McGeehan says that when a person is hesitant or undecided about personal or professional issues, it is often helpful to focus their interests.

“We are self-interested creatures,” says Dr. McGeehan. “Naturally we want to succeed. By emphasizing what they can gain from a particular action, it makes the request more intrinsically appealing, which not only empowers them to engage in behavior but also for long-term change.”

3. Appeal to emotions

We are also emotional creatures, which is why marketers and fundraisers use this strategy all the time.

“Emotions really are powerful motivators for action and can often influence decisions more than logic,” says Dr. Nobile. “Use stories or anecdotes to connect with your audience on an emotional level.”

4. Social proof

Consciously or not, we are always looking to others for clues about what defines “appropriate” behavior in any given situation, says Dr. Mary Poffenroth, Ph.D.neurohacker-biopsychologist and book author Brave new you.

“Showing that similar people have already supported a proposal reduces concerns about being overlooked and activates the reward pathways associated with group acceptance,” says Dr. Poffenroth.

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5. Reciprocity

Dr. Poffenroth says that our neural network has evolved in such a way that the reward centers in our brain are significantly activated when we receive favors from others.

“Offering something modest to someone at first, such as a small gift or useful information, can create an ingrained feeling of obligation to reciprocate the gesture when the request is made later,” says Dr. Poffenroth.

6. Create a sense of urgency

In some cases, emphasizing the importance of quick action can lead to results.

“This tactic helps increase sales,” says Dr. McGeehan. “When selling products or services, urgency is very effective in attracting potential customers. This can be useful when you are trying to fill a proposal or sell a specific product in a limited amount of time.”

You can also use it with friends and family if your holiday social calendar is really filling up, but use it with caution and know your audience as the pressure may be off-putting for some.

7. Provide logical evidence and reasoning.

Incorporating this strategy is logical and smart even in the modern era.

“This is useful in personal difficulties such as disputes with your landlord, claims you may want to make to an HR professional, or any issue that arises in your life where conflict arises,” says Dr. Nobile.

8. Ask for their input or opinion.

This may seem like a plot twist, so stay tuned.

“People are more likely to support an idea if they have contributed to it. Involving someone in the decision-making process makes them feel valued and increases their contribution to the outcome,” says Dr. McGeehan. “Suddenly this is not my idea. It’s our idea—who wouldn’t support one of their ideas?”

Dr. McGeehan says this option is ideal for collaborative environments where someone is hesitant or reluctant.

“For example, maybe the mother and father decided that the family as a whole needs to do more volunteering, and the kids aren’t interested,” she says. “It can let them know that family volunteering is not a choice. However, they would like the children to help them choose the organization with which to work.”

9. Show respect for the person’s time and effort.

If you’re asking for something that involves increasing a person’s physical or mental workload, acknowledging it is helpful, says Dr. Brandi Smith, Ph.D.Thriveworks Licensed Psychologist.

Dr. Smith offers, “I know what I’m asking will take you longer than usual as well as extra effort, and I appreciate your willingness to put in both to help us succeed/progress.” .

10. Show (and share) a little faith.

There is magic in giving another person confidence.

“Let it be known that you know the person can satisfactorily complete what is being asked,” says Dr. Smith. “Reference past experiences, data, and knowledge that allow the person to understand why you (believe) they are capable of doing what is asked.”

Related: 12 Authentic Phrases That Will “Instantly Brighten” Someone’s Day, According to a Psychologist

Mistake #1 to Avoid When Trying to Convince Someone to Do Something

Manipulation or coercion is unacceptable in Dr. Nobile’s book. “These tactics destroy trust in the relationship, create resentment and create resistance,” she says. “People may agree in the short term, but they are unlikely to be committed to the task.”

A common form of manipulation or coercion involves packing someone else’s bags for them (without permission) and sending them on a guilt trip.

“Not only does this create resentment, but it also undermines trust and respect in the relationship,” says Dr. McGeehan. “Guilt is placing responsibility for your feelings on someone else, and responsibility for your feelings always lies with you.”

Essentially, no one wins, but you do lose, and it may be difficult to convince the person to see and do things your way in the future.

“When you manipulate people—whether intentionally or not—you undermine your own integrity,” says Dr. Nobile. “Such coercive or manipulative approaches damage relationships, and as a result, meaningful influence becomes less likely.”

Instead, Dr. Nobile recommends using respectful and collaborative approaches to persuade someone.

“They are more likely to be effective than any other approach and are more likely to benefit everyone involved,” says Dr. Nobile.

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